Sunday, May 9, 2010

My Unborn Son Makes Everything Okay

Today was my "first" Mother's Day and it turned out to be a pretty emotional experience. Everything was great, of course. My husband gave me a card and wrote a little something inside; my mom made me a bracelet with five little charms, representing the baby; I recieved a gift at church; I placed roses on the graves of my grandmother and mother-in-law; I had breakfast with my parents and grandparents; my husband and I went out to dinner with my parents. Overall, I had a very nice, eventful day. But also a day of realizations...
In church this morning, a couple sat in front of me with an infant, no more than two months old. As the pastor spoke of the bond a mother shares with her child after having carried him in her womb for nine months, this tiny baby stared at me. I couldn't help but smile as her lips turned up into a smile of her own, her pudgy little cheeks creating tiny hills under her bright blue eyes. And the whole while, I kept my hands on my belly, feeling my own child stretch his tiny arms and legs out as far as he could... Amazing.
In less than two months, I am going to be holding this little boy in my arms. He'll no longer be my little "bean"--as I call him now--growing in my belly. He'll be here, in my arms, staring back at me as he clings to me instinctively. And I will cling to him, not wanting to let him go, as I will be so used to the fact that he has been safe inside my belly all this time.
From the moment I found out I was pregnant, my life changed. Everything I did concerned the life that was forming inside me. And every time he moves, every time I hear his heartbeat, every time I see his little fist curled up against his cheek... nothing else matters. These things simply confirm that it's all about him. But when this baby boy takes his first breath... nothing will compare to that moment. And boy, am I scared.
Although my life has already changed, I can only imagine what it's going to be like two months from now. And today, the "first" of my Mother's Days, really caused me to feel a bit overwhelmed. I'm nervous. I'm scared. But I'm so excited.
All I have to do is feel him move, or picture the way he looked during my last ultrasound, or imagine which features he'll inherit from me and which he'll inherit from his daddy... And everything is okay.

1 comment:

Ashley said...

you just made me cry!!!